The Beneath Series: a work in progress
What lies beneath? I remembered staring as a child into rivers trying to loosen my focus in order to catch sight of the minnows below. I do it now with my own children. Once those little fish are seen darting along the river bed you can't unsee them and can't quite believe you ever struggled to spot them in the first place. It's as if our eyes are programmed not to see anything except the surface, it takes a more conscious effort to spot the things below.
My soul is similar, shaped through people-pleasing and childlike naivety it has blindly focused on the surface, the face value and the shallow façade without questioning. Within this 'not digging deeper' and refusal to focus on the harder to see it has become broken a number of times.
I have held onto blind trust all my life like a child holding the string of a balloon on a windy day. For me the letting go of who I was before life punched me in the face, felt like letting the string go and watching my childlike soul float away into the clouds. This letting go seemed like the true breaking to me way more than the process of actual breaking itself. I couldn't contemplate becoming that changed, it seemed like too big a price to pay for life. So I held on focusing on the surface ripples never allowing myself to see deeper. This is not wise. This has not served me well. Its taken time to view this need to stand outside of my childlike naivety and to ask the right questions as growth and not breaking.
And growth it is. To ask questions fearlessly, to look for what's beneath, to trust your gut, to believe in your own self-worth, to learn that no is ok and to set boundaries for yourself is an awakening into womanhood.
This new series explores the quest into this growth. It's autobiographical and holds my heart. It's joyous and celebratory of owning my own power at last.